I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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