So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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