U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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