I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he fucked my hip out of place.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My breasts were aching with rage.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
