sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
