Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
