I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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