i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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