They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
