Me. At least after what I've been through.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
