If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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