You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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