Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
