I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
