My nipple is on Facebook.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
