i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
