did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
