If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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