I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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