she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
FUCK WHALES
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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