I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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