Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
