some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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