bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
