He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I am mentally ready for anal.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
