I just threw up on my dentist
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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