i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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