I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
