she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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