Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
this beer tastes like vomit already
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
