Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
