She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Someone came in the potted fern
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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