he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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