He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
