Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
