Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
