he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
