I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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