explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
