if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
