Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I can text with my tongue
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
