It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
