You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
