Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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