She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
