did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
