Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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