Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
