make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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