I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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