he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
