We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
