Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
