I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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