some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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