i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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